We Need To Talk
If you're the parent of a preteen and think what you say doesn't make a difference, think again -- especially when it comes to helping him or her make the choice to be sexually abstinent.
"Our research shows that parents can be the most influential factor in keeping teens abstinent and free from pregnancy or disease," says John Tanner, associate professor of marketing at Baylor's Hankamer School of Business, who has evaluated abstinence education programs since 1998. "Delivering a baby is the No. 1 reason American teen girls go to the hospital. In addition, teens who are sexually active are at the greatest risk for contracting sexually transmitted diseases," he says.
Tanner joined the McLennan County Collaborative Abstinence Project (a Title V program funded by the Welfare Reform Act of 1996) in 1998 and began to evaluate abstinence education programs. He also evaluates "Worth the Wait," an independent nonprofit agency, in the Texas Panhandle and Shannon Health System in San Angelo, Texas.
Tanner has distilled research he, Mary Anne Raymond and Chris Hopkins (both at Clemson University) have produced through the years to "Six Simple Rules" to
raise sexually abstinent children:
1. Start the conversation early
About 8 percent of seventh-grade children willingly have sex -- so start talking to them about it sooner rather than later.
2. Set rules
Kids with rules about dating and activities involving the other sex also have the strongest refusal skills, and they talk more about boy/girl issues with their parents.
3. Don't let your own past hold you back
Parents who had sex as teens are just as effective as parents who were abstinent. Your children don't need to know what you did or didn't do.
4. Use media to start conversations
When you see advertisements promoting alcohol consumption or sexually suggestive shows, ask your children what they think about them. Freely express your views; your children really want to hear them. They consider you a much stronger influence than they do the media.
5. Talk about the future
The "what do you want to be when you grow up?" conversations often are about career. More important to your child's development, though, are questions about what type of person he or she wants to be. The stronger your children's recognition of the link between today and tomorrow, the greater their likelihood of remaining abstinent.
6. Abstinence is a lifestyle, not a decision
Children who are abstinent are more likely to abstain from alcohol, smoking and skipping school. They also are better able to handle money responsibly. Recognize that abstinence is not a single decision -- it is part of a healthy lifestyle.
Jackson is director of communications and marketing in the Hankamer School of Business.